Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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