I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
