my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
