some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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