i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
