I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What a dumb baby whore.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
