I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
