I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize