so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
