I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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