yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
