We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
