Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
