I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
