i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
