i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
