booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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