i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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