My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
