She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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