I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
