You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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