so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
