My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
