My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize