yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
