I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
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