While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
