i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
