Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
