Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize