I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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