New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
