i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
