I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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