just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
