All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
