home. puking in laundry basket.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
