I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's shark week go big or go home
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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