This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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