You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
