I only kidnapped one of them. chill
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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