My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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