I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
