How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
