Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
