she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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