Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
