I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
