Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
