And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
