You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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