I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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