I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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