just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
