it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
