Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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