i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
