nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
