She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The beer is more important than you right now.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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