Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
