last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
