my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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