Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
