I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
