My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
