Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
