My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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