my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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