I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
