god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
