was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
