where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
