I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
