birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
