"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
